Creating Your Birth Space

A mother rests in the tub at a birth center with her newborn

Having been through two births myself, one thing I find that contributes a lot to helping you achieve the labor you want is creating your space. What I mean by that is creating an environment that makes you feel safe, supported, and calm (well, as calm as you can be). There’s quite a few things you can do, however, keep in mind that by the time you go into labor, those supposedly soothing strains of Enya may make you want to pull your hair out.

Being supported and able to labor the way you want is an amazing feeling, and there’s actually a scientific reasoning behind making sure you have a birth space that lets you feel safe. When you feel challenged or unsupported, like when healthcare staff suggest things you’re unsure about, or your family is driving you crazy, your body goes into fight-or-flight mode, and your levels of stress increase, which makes it harder for oxytocin to be created which can help with the intensity of your contractions and helps create your bond with baby after birth.

Here are some things you can do to help create your birth space!

1. Picture your ideal birth, with specifics. Draw it out, even if you’ve only got the skill to draw stick figures. Are you in the woods? The water? A hospital? What about these places makes you feel safe? What helps you feel relaxed in these spaces? If it’s the smell of the woods, bring a scented candle and a candle warmer to diffuse the scent of pine needles. If it’s the water, make sure you can get into the tub or utilize the shower during labor. If it’s the reassurance of having top medical technology at your doctor’s fingertips, make sure you deliver in a hospital. All these things can help!

2. Consider who you want in the room with you. If your mother is insisting on being there, but you know that she’ll hover and be “up in your business” (so to speak), know that you have the right to tell her that you’d rather this be a moment between you and your partner. Care providers are also great at being mediators if you don’t want to be the “bad guy” – just tell your partner and they’ll inform the doctor/midwife or nurse, who can then implement ‘visiting hours’ or can kick everyone out for a cervical check, or send them to pick up some kind of food/drink for you that the hospital doesn’t carry. This is your birth, and if someone in the room is making you feel uneasy or frustrated, you have every right to kick them out, feelings be damned! I have seen several parents/family members cause more stress to a laboring mother that was helpful, but the mom didn’t feel she could say anything without hurting feelings.

3. You can bring things of your own to the hospital! Bring your playlists and a mini speaker for music. Snag some dollar store LED tea light candles for mood lighting (they can turn down the lights in the room). Bring a couple warm blankets for you and your partner (those rooms get cold!). Heck, bring a favorite pillow from home if you want to! As long as the items don’t interfere with cords/IV’s for the care providers, they shouldn’t have an issue with you making that labor room a place that you can feel safe and supported.

4. If you have cultural or spiritual wants for your labor experience, make sure to share those with everyone attending, including nurses and doctors. They are more than willing to help keep this moment as special as you want it to be. I had a client who sprinkled holy water in her labor tub, and when in bed, labored with a spiritual image on a card under her pillow. I’ve also heard of another couple who, at the moment of the birth, wanted the first thing the newborn hear was praising of their god in his father’s voice. It’s your birth experience, make it what you want!

5. Finally, having a doula there can really help. Considering we can be whatever you need us to be, we are as involved or un-involved as you want. We can be sole support if you need it, tandem support where we help both you and your partner, or, we can just be that gentle reminder in the background of what you wanted for your labor and delivery and the nudge in that direction. We’re also very adaptable when it comes to changing situations and changes to your ideal birth.

Feel free to add any tips of your own into the comment section below!

Victoria Williams, LMT, CD, CBE

New Roots